My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I enjoy the company of your penis
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
