Even the bartender felt bad for me
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
