maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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