My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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