It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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