This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
