Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
