I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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