i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
