do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
