Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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