I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
