I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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