I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
