this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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