She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
