So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
as a side note pls kill me
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
