He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
