The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize