Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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