Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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