You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
