you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
