I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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