Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
