I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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