I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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