She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
