We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
