I wish my penis had an off switch
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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