my being single is dangerous.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
