my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
