I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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