Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
