If that was your dad, he is hot
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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