Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
