So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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