I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize