Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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