some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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