for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
