i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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