even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
