i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
