great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The air was thick with penises
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
