So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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