i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
