I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
