I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
