i need an iv and a liver transplant
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
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