They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
