Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
