break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
