You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think your dad took our porno
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
