so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I will be naked everywhere
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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