Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize