I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's shark week go big or go home
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
