Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
