Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
