shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize