I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize