I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
