I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
