I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I think i got beer on your cat.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
