I look better un-naked...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize