I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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