Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
