I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
