I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
