It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
