people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We are all done wearing pants today
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
