you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
