So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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