I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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