omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
